Being a mom...

Being a mom changes you. Life no longer is all about you. It's about the little people who love you unconditionally at all times. Things have been tough lately, being laid off sucks. I've been trying my best to be happy and put on a brave face, but sometimes that all just breaks down. Thanks to my hubby, I've been living vicariously though him and his classroom. (I spent Tuesday ripping down his 9 year old bulletin boards and today replacing them with much nicer, new ones.)

I'm already digressing...

Today we had open house, it was a tough day for me to not be in my classroom and getting ready, greeting my new students and meeting parents. It just doesn't seem right to not be with students. So, after open house, we met the hubby for dinner and debriefed about our days. Nothing too amazing, just typical open houses, I just had mine completely as a parent instead of as a teacher.

As I was putting mini me to bed tonight, I was putting some lavender essential oil on some irritation in his armpit. As the oil dripped onto his skin, he giggled. Everything just melted away. All my anguish, my sadness...it disappeared with that laugh. He laughed and nothing else mattered. That's powerful.

I thought about how my life has changed since the boys came along. Pregnancy was wonderful (most of the time) and the moment those two little people entered the world, my whole life changed for the better. Now, when I have a tough day, all I need is a laugh or some love from those little men in my life. Being a mom changes you.

A first time for everything...

For the first time in my short 9 year teaching career, I will not report to work tomorrow. I guess part of me hoped that I'd get a small miracle and get called back. However, that just didn't happen.  I can't think of a fall that I didn't go to school, either as a student or as a teacher and this just sucks. (I'm done mincing words-it SUCKS!!!) My students would probably cheer to hear me use language like that, or they are going "Mrs. SHIKE!! I didn't allow them to use language like that in our classroom. I went and helped the hubby get his room ready today-I ripped down all his old bulletin boards and we got new ones up. It felt good-like it should. But then I came home and realized it wasn't mine and it just made me sad.

I put on a brave face and try and get through my day, but I struggle inside. It doesn't make it easier-knowing that there are games being played all over the place. I've applied for over 100 jobs (87 different postings in many different districts) and have had 2 interviews-one of which I was a token interview. It's disheartening to know that I am a good teacher, I work hard and I can't work this year. Not that I physically can't, but that I am unable to find a job where I can showcase my talents.

I've actually considered leaving educating all together, but I just can't. It's my passion, my love and my life (second to my family of course).  So those of you headed to your jobs tomorrow-if you aren't doing what you love, why do it? Find your passion and work it! Those of you who love your jobs, congrats-I envy you. I want to go to work-I really do. I'm tired of games and being treated like a number. I want to do what I love and love what I do.